piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize