What did we do last night that was yellow?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
