thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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