All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
