No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
