please come you make the beer taste better
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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