Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
