I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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