shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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