Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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