do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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