where am i from again
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
