I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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