So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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