Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
