Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
