looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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