In the future we'll all be gay
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize