I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
