Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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