Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize