in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
