Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
