a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
