We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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