You can't special order awesome
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
