Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
