I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
