just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
