youre lurking in front of me
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
