Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I am available for nakedness
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
