i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
