well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
