Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
