Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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