After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
