you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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