You're earring is so big in my mouth
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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