I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
