Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
