You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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