community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
