I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize