you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
When are your genitals available?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
