I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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