She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
