Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Holy sore nipples Batman
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
