So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
