Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
