I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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