he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
