i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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