Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
