Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
