So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
