Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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