I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
