Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she pinky promised me she was 18
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
