I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
soo... how was my night?
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