I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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