did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
