Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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