Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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