he shaved USA in his pubs
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
