Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
