Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
