i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
