shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
