My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Im part way to drunk.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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