so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
