the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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