I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
