he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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