Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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