All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my vag is so smooth its legendary
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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